So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
