no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
