You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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