I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
