Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
