Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
