The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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