Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
