I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
