im about as happy as oj after his trial
Come see our sink grown plant.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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