its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
