If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
