no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
third nipple confirmed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He did a backflip because drugs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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