How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
