so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
