Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
