I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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