giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
