We won't sleep together?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
