Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
