i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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