K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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