i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
