Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
