She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
