Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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