Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
