Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
