I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
