I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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