I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
