So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
