When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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