no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
