Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
