I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
