Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
