It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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