how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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