I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
