TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
