Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
