Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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