i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
