and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
