She is in my trunk
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
