its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
