dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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