he puts the penis in happiness.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
