what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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