Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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