THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
