You're completely useless in the revolution.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
