I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hippo gnu deer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
