Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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