Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
