Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
