you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
